Dating apps are making dating fucking impossible.
We live in such a throwaway society these days, and these apps are making us throw away chances at relationships/makeouts because we just can’t fucking bear to stop, slow down, and live in the goddamn moment.
We are in an age where pretty much anything is possible; want to fly to Japan? You can find a cheap flight. Want to learn how to play guitar? YouTube is your teacher. We can learn anything we want, see anything we want, and talk to people all over the world. It’s amazing! But it’s also killing our ability to slow down and appreciate what’s in front of us.
If I see a blender in the store that I like, I will literally get on my phone and look up reviews, compare prices at other stores, see what it goes for online, and check around for any sales. If I come up with nothing, I’ll grab the blender; it’s right in front of me and I can have it immediately. But if, while searching, I see a different, even better blender, I’ll pass up the one in front of me and go searching for that next model.
We are always searching for what’s better, what’s newer, what the next big trend is and what’s going to give us the most bang for our buck. And these dating apps have really played into that and have made us so so SO fucking lazy. We are constantly swiping right and left with such “meh” attitudes, assuming there is always someone better out there, that we rarely give anyone a chance.
I know I sound like just some uggo who can’t get a date, but that’s not the case. I’m dating quite a bit right now (actually, a little bit too much) but I’m *this* close to giving up because I just can’t anymore. I can’t. It’s so exhausting to constantly put myself out there, be aggressive but not too aggressive, and talk talk talk talk talk to people who just want to do nothing but fucking text for a week before half-committing to maybe grabbing a coffee on the weekend. Because what if something better comes up? What if someone cooler comes up? Why commit to a first date when we live in a city where no one can even show up to a fucking comedy show on time, much less commit to plans.
I’m not saying we should settle. I’m just saying that we need to stop assuming something better is coming right around the corner, and take some time to appreciate the person sitting in front of us, nervously holding a beer. Everyone’s profiles say something akin to “I want to meet someone nice” or “Looking to meet new people”, but as soon as those ‘nice people’ we finally get together with run to the washrooms, we’re back on our phones hoping someone even cooler messaged us, and we’re already wondering when we can get back home to watch the latest Netflix Original.
On Bumble, the app where women have to message first, men are swiping right on every.single.profile they come across, yet only responding to a handful of messages because hey, it’s better to swipe right on everyone and throw them away than to miss out on that one girl who is a little cute and might message them. Meanwhile, they don’t realize how FUCKING EXHAUSTING it is to constantly send opening message after opening message to a bunch of dudes and get nothing in return. That constant silent rejection is the reason I can name four women I personally know who deleted the app after less than two weeks — why put ourselves through that and try to come up with witty opening lines when we are nothing to them but exercise for their thumbs?
On Tinder, both sexes swipe right and then…wait. We all just fucking wait around for someone to message us. If the girl messages first, she’s DTF or too aggressive. If the guy messages first, the girl thinks all he wants is a 2am blow job and she doesn’t pay him much mind. We all think everyone out there on these apps are pieces of shit, but we need to keep in mind that we are on them too…and we’re probably not pieces of shit.
These aren’t dating apps or ways to find relationships. They’re games. They’re just games! We may as well be swiping right and left on pieces in the latest Candy Crush release, because none of us do fucking anything with these damn apps. We may eventually meet up for a drink (after two weeks of excruciating texting and an additional week of people trying to make plans but being “so busy” they just can’t commit to anything) but things fizzle because, unless they’re really fucking amazing, we assume there’s something better out there.
If we don’t get fireworks at first sight, we assume they’ll never happen. So we leave.
We need to stop expecting immediate fireworks and stop assuming the only people who are dating in this city are bottom of the barrel pieces of shit. We aren’t settling, but we need to just take a fucking minute and get to know someone beyond their first two photos and a couple of texts that end with “lol”. And if the connection isn’t there, then that’s fine. But give the connection room to breathe and give that spark a chance to ignite, because extinguishing everything because you just can’t be fucked to take a chance and make a leap means we’re all losing in this race. And we all really really so obviously want to win.