Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

 

Alright, so last week physicists at CERN released a statement saying they maybe sort’ve kind’ve omg measured a neutrino going faster than the speed of light.  Say whaaa? 

Look, I’m no scientist and I don’t even know what CERN stands for (I’m guessing it’s the Centre for Everyone who’s Really kNowledgeable), but this is seriously super cool.  Einstein crunched some numbers one day and stated that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light, and that’s what scientists have been working with for a hundred years.  It’s been proven and tested again and again, so when these scientists found something contrary to that they were, obviously, pretty taken aback and probably excited/scared/started crying nerdy tears that accompany huge discoveries like that.  They were so stunned that they basically said to people “Yo. Please scrutinize our results and see wtf happened. Did this shit actually go down?” and I’m guessing that physicists everywhere left their messy offices and convened in bars with comfortable couches to talk with other physicists, all secretly hoping they’d be the one to prove this new evidence right/wrong.  

I, along with thousands of other nerdy folks who were never smart enough to become scientists but always wished they could’ve been, am waiting to see if these results are true or false.  And I really hope they’re true.  This could be a huge turning point for the world and could lead to all sorts of exciting discoveries and technologies (hello KLINGON LOVERS).  This could be bigger than the iPhone.

Here’s a great article I read that explains all this science gunk in real talk.  Definitely give it a read!

Man, between this news and the new Australopithecus sediba skeleton they found earlier this month, my standup material is getting’ REAL high-brow!*

 

E


*Just kidding. It’s mostly sex jokes. 

 

 

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One thought on “Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

  1. I don’t think that a neutrino actually went faster than light. There is a huge margin of error that spans the speed of light boundary, meaning we can’t tell for sure if it did or not. It is really hard to sync the two points of observation, located across Europe from each other, with sufficient precision to make such a claim. Also, your sex jokes are hilarious! I made my reservations for the 4th!!

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