Mo’ Money, Much Problems

“When I win the lottery…” has been part of my regular vocabular since I was a little girl. Do I ever play the lottery? No. Whenever I do, I don't even win a free ticket and it pisses the shit outta me.

I was walking down the street with a friend today and said something about winning the lottery so I could quit my job and travel the world/kiss Italian men. He said to me “mo' money, mo' problems”. I just about lost it on him.

Guys, let me tell you something: people that say “mo money, mo problems” and/or “money can't buy you happiness” are full of shit. These people have one thing in common: they've never been poor.

Anyone who's ever had their phone turned off, their hydro threatened, their cheques bounce, has gone to bed hungry, has to buy cheap food for their children instead of healthy produce, wasn't able to go to the movies with their friends or couldn't afford to go to university…anyone who has ever had to worry about money would never truly say “mo' money, mo' problems”. Because it simply isn't true.

Worrying about money is one of the most stressful things in life. If you won the lottery and never had to worry about money again, I can guarantee you'd instantly be happier. Sure, your hair would still do that weird “flip” thing and Johnny still wouldn't ask you to the dance and your mother would still pry into your life making it hell…but you'd be able to deal with it all because you wouldn't have to worry about MONEY.

And before you tell me that I don't know true happiness because I don't have children, I have two words for you: fuck off. Fuck children. I'm sure I will “NEVER KNOW TRUE LOVE AND HAPPINESS UNTIL [I] HOLD A BABY”, but I'm not there yet. So fuck it. Kids are a whole other story of stress and money worries and bullshit. Sure, they say cute things sometimes, but for the most part, kids are assholes.

Can free and simple things in life make you happy? Of course. I've found so much beauty in shadows on the sidewalk it's changed my life. I've biked so far I've been high for three days afterwards. And, hello: sex. Free things in life are beautiful and lovely and can make you happy beyond belief. But when you go to bed at night and wake up at 2am because you're worrying about how you're going to pay rent…no amount of shadows can shake that terror inside of you.

You could probably wake someone up and have sex, though. So that'd be alright.

Mo' money, mo' problems? No way. Mo' money, no problems? No way. Mo' money, different kind of problems but you'll still be okay because you won't have that huge chunk of money woes on your shoulder? Yes. I think that's a better line, Biggie. RIP.

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