I (somehow) ended up on the Glamour.com website today and found myself fascinated and disgusted all at once. I mean, the hairstyle and fashion trends are fine (save for the fact that they said socks with heels was a “DO”. Like, fuck you Glamour. That’s absurd) but the sex and dating tips totally blew my mind and made me a little sick. Some articles included “What Your Guy REALLY Thinks About Your Christmas Gift”, “10 Things He’s Thinking When You’re Naked” and “7 Ways to Convince Any Man You’re Right” (which, really, if you need to read an article about that you probably won’t win the argument). I want to know who writes this stuff and why I, as a woman, should be reading it and paying attention to it. I’m not normally one to burn my bra and sound the feminism alarm, but come ON. Do women really follow this advice? Do they look through magazines to see the best ways to please their men and read up on how to primp and shave just right so that He will like them? I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t mind trashy magazines once in a while (who doesn’t like to read about orgasms during a flight?) but I can’t imagine someone reading these articles and taking them at face value. I think a full tablespoon of salt needs to be added.
It’s stuff like this that makes me feel like I’m a bad woman. I don’t follow the “DOs & DON’Ts”, I don’t wear high heels until my feet bleed, I couldn’t begin to tell you what colour is “in” right now, and I can’t figure out how to properly apply eyeshadow to save my life. Some girls, though, have being a woman down perfectly, and a lady on the subway this morning reminded me of this.
I got on at Ossington station and ended up standing in front of a girl. She was young and pretty and chewing gum with her mouth open and putting on mascara. Now, I don’t think that putting on makeup on the ride to work is the nicest thing to do on the subway, but sometimes you run late and have no choice. I get it. I’ve put on lipstick between the stations before. It happens.
THE THING IS
This girl was putting on mascara before I got on the train and stood in front of her. And she was STILL putting on mascara –on the same eye- when I got off at Bay station. For those who don’t live in Toronto and/or don’t take the subway during morning rush hour, that’s roughly a 10 minute ride. 10 minutes, not only just putting mascara on, but putting it on the same eye. She didn’t even touch the other eye! From this I can only deduce that this woman spends 20 minutes on mascara alone. I don’t even want to imagine how long it takes her to apply the rest of her makeup and brush her hair.
See, things like this make me think that I’m terrible at being a woman. This girl spends 10 minutes on one eye and I spend 10 minutes total. That includes brushing my teeth! If I’m going out and want to totally do it up and make myself pretty and sexy for a night on the town I’ll spend 20 minutes, max, for hair and makeup. Does this make me a bad woman?
Maybe I should be spending more time on my makeup. Maybe if I paid more attention to my mascara or foundation my boyfriend would like me more or I’d get a better job. Maybe if I put more effort into styling my hair ‘just right’ I’d have more friends or be more popular. Maybe if I start wearing socks with heels I’ll get stopped for a BlogTO Streetstyle article, or if I start shaving my pubes into fun shapes Prince William will ditch that other chick and ask me to be his queen. Maybe.
Perhaps I should start paying a little more attention to my looks, but really, I’m not going to make any drastic changes any time soon. I don’t have the patience to put on a face before I leave the house and I don’t want to become a girl who is always checking herself out in a mirror (or, as was the case this morning, putting on my mascara with the reflection from Blackberry).
Those tips on what to get my guy for Christmas, though…maybe I’ll take a look at those.